Sakura (sakuranbo) wrote,

it's kinda weird thinking that anyone can read this

Since Walter's Mother got his live journal it's kinda weird thinking that anyone can read this. Kinda weid thinking she's probly reading it. I mean I figured she would be since she found his and I post in his, but it feels strange.

Well to be compleatly honest I figured she would read the other post also. So I worded it carefully. I didn't want to make the situation any worse and I would like it if they got along better. It just makes me realy sad when I see two people who are tearing each other apart because they can't comunicate. (Now there are obviously other issues between them also but I think with a little tolerance on both sides and a lot of forthrightness and honesty they will be able to at least get along pretty well.)

I have always known that anyone of my peer group could read it (my journal), and that doesn't realy bother me. If they don't like who I am I can think about why that is and either change it or shrug it off, for some reason parents are different though. It wouldn't bother me to much if my own parents read it, while they hardly ever know everything that is going on in my life, they know enough. Plus I guess they stopped thinking of me as a child around my junior year. That makes it easier.

For some reason other peoples parrents reading it bothers me a little though. I guess that's because I still have this need from when I was little for people in possitions of authority to think well of me. Just because they are parents of my friends it's like their opinion matters more.

rant about purpose of lj mostly review and useless, mostly for me

So I find myself almost censoring what I put up here, which of course is compleatly contrary to the point. It's going to happen some (Mostly because I can't help it. Some because other peoples secrets are not mine to give. And a few things because I just don't think they are anyone elses buisness unless I choose to tell them dirrectly. details about my sex life etc. ) But I'll try to keep the journals origanal purpose intact.
(for those of you who don't know there were four origanal resons this journal was setup

1 to keep in touch with my friends far away
2 to be honest with the world (I lied about something
about 7 months ago to my ex and that was very bad. I
wanted to keep my concience clear, this is sort of a
penance and sort of a way to practice being honest and
3 to stop having to explain myself over and over to
people. (if they realy want to know who I am or
what is going on in my life they can get it here)
4 to vent a little. It always makes me feel a little
better about whatever it is

what happended yesterday

Well last night was generally not fun at all. Walter got into a car accident. He's ok he walked away, just brused and battered. She's ok to. The cars are not so ok. It was her fault. (she didn't yield when turning left at a green light. He was going straight at a green light. He hit her.)

The emergancy room is not a fun place. We waited till about 2:30 am to get to see someone.

Walter's sister Jennifer is still cool. Hehe I have a lot to learn from her. With the first priority being on not being suceptible to Walter's puppy dog eyes.

Then when we got out about 3am (time may be a little off) we whent to Walgreens and got walter medication. I don't like Walter's medication.

Well let me state that differently. I like the fact that Walter's medication makes him stop hurting. That is great. I don't like it's side effects.

It made him pretty much like he was VERY drunk except without the nausia. He couldn't walk quit right, couldn't speek quite right, and his emotions were VERY sensative. He's usually a little tender about certain subjects but not to bad. Every one has their tender bits, and it's not unusual for them to be exposed to your gf, however last night it was extream.

He asked if taking care of him was annoying. I said honestly yes sometimes taking care of him was annoying. ( I should have phrased it better. I usually don't mind and I would far rather do it than have him unhapy or alone or in trouble, but the emergancy room is annoying.)

He must have sobbed for 3-5 minutes.
I hate hurting him. I would have done better if I had not been so tired by then. ("can we please just go to sleep" was something I said. Not very helpfull on my part.) After a while I learned. Just don't let anything bother you, be as cheerful as possible and he'll get better.

He's got an interview today. YEAH. He's not taking his medication first. (He couldn't interview with that in his system.) I hope he doesn't hurt to much.

random info about religion and me (mostly me venting)

I am agnostic, close to athiast, but not quite there. I'm not willing to say a god doesn't exist, just that I haven't seen any strong evidence that he does.

Lets see basic arguments against that
1 am I afraid of what's going to happen to me after I die
of course I am. And if there is a hell or whatever I am in big
trouble. However I decided long ago that what is true is true no
matter if I believe it or not, and no matter what happens to me.
If there is a God he exists weather I believe it or not, and no
amount of wishing will make a difference one way or the other.
So I choose to be true to truth and not let my judgment of the
world have anything to do with the concequences to me. If I ever
accept God it will be honestly, because I believe, but I will not
lie to myself to try and save myself. I can't think that would be
virtuous in his eyes anyway.

Plus on top of that Pascel's wajor just doesn't work. Even if I
could make myself believe in a God to save myself (not because I
believed)then what about the fact that there are different
religions that are exclusive. I can't be baptist and morman at the
same time. Not even to mention any other religions. So if I tried
to choose to save myself and not because I thought it was true, I
would fail.

I have asked God into my life a couple of times, or at least to talk
to me. Heck I even asked durring the service Walter and I whent
to. He does't answere. If he did I would belive in him. (Now
whether I would think he is a just God or not is another story.)
He doesn't answere. It may be because I am to proud and because of
that he can't, but I thought he was all powerful? So that means he
wont, but I thought he was supposed to love me. Yet he's not
willing to talk to me when I ask, because I am proud? That seems a
harsh to me, when all he has to do to save me is to talk to me.

3. more latter strange need to post a bible passage now

Sorry something just made me feel I hade to post this. Not quite sure why. I have always liked this passage even though I don't know how practicable it is. I have tried to love someone like this. I failed, and on top of it we just both got hurt. Now I think differently of love. I define love as careig deeply about someone, but it doesn't meen that you let them just take because if there is any inequality at all it just destroyes people, and everyone ends up hurt. If perfect on both sides it would work, but i don't think it's good to try. All things is just to much. But I like the idea. Do not judge, love and hope, stay open minded, but I would also say protect yourself.

in 1 Corinthians 13, starting in verse 4

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

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